Many women who are categorized as unicorns balk at the term and being objectified as such but if the term were broadened to define a concept and not a specific type of individual, that objectification would lessen because it would include a variety of examples. Since I don’t technically fall into the original definition of the term, I am a little hesitant to prescribe this but I think the definition of “unicorn” should be expanded to describe the phenomenon of the two seeking the magical one to form the fully connected three. To her, it has a mythical, magical quality that she enjoys being associated with herself. I understand her point but how then are these other people who are having these “unicorn-esque” experiences supposed to share their stories when there is no language for them to do so because the definition of unicorn is so narrow? She also expressed not wishing to be objectified by the term while another woman that I spoke to said that she loved being called a unicorn. She replied that interchanging the word to include other persons besides single bisexual women was confusing. I mentioned in a comment on one of my posts that I wished I could find a male “unicorn” to interview and a friend of mine who would be categorized by the classic definition of the term expressed what I perceived as a sort of ownership over the word.
While these instances aren’t as frequent, bisexual women aren’t the only ones subject to the phenomenon of being sought after by eager couples looking to “add to their relationship”. Basically, if you can think it, it exists. Couples with gender queer/gender non-conforming/gender non-binary persons who seek other single persons who identify as such to form triads with. Couples with a heterosexual woman and a bisexual man also seek a single bisexual man to join them. Lesbian couples comprised of two bisexual women often seek a single heterosexual man to join their unit as gay couples comprised of two bisexual men seek single heterosexual women to join them. Gay men seek other single gay men to form triads. The reality is that lesbian couples seek single lesbian women to form a triad.
Bisexual women aren’t the only ones with “unicorn” stories to tell and the fact that we don’t hear the stories of the other persons in the polyamorous community having “unicorn” experiences is disappointing. I received quite a few responses from those who wished to participate, all of them being women which didn’t surprise me, but I was struck by a thought.
I posted on my page and in several groups asking if anyone who identifies as a unicorn would be willing to share their experience being such with me. Even had a clever little title for my article. I was initially tasked to write some of those stories. You also need not be in the polyamorous community long to become aware that there are many unicorn horror stories, many women who complain of the predatory-like tactics of “unicorn-hunters” (heterosexual couples looking for a bisexual woman to “complete their union”), many who lament the evils of couple-privilege, closed triads, and being a “third”. Just try posting in a polyamory group asking who identifies as a unicorn and you’re in for a bumpy ride. You need not be in the polyamorous community long to become aware that it is a hotly contested term with negative connotations.
Generally it is used to describe a single bisexual female willing to become sexually and/or romantically involved with a couple that is usually comprised of a heterosexual man and a bisexual woman. “Unicorn.” One of the first terms of the polyamorous lexicon that I encountered upon entering the non-monogamous world.